sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Life is so much better after having sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
