I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
