shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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