exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
