You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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