to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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