i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
