I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
