Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's not cheating when I paid for it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
