Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize