..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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