Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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