well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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