she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
