the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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