Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
