you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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