okay pat passed out under dana's car
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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