Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
