I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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