Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
