Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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