New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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