Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
