yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
