I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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