His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
