i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
