FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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