Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize