the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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