Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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