So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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