What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
