Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
