Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
