and you said cock pushups were impossible
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
