Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
