Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
