i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This show inspires me to have sex in space
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
