I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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