he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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