please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
