We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's like iHOP with fire
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
