A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
