thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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