lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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