I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
