You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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