she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
