I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
