Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
