i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
