he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Semen is not good for contacts.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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