just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
