I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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