I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
