I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
