It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
