You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
