Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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