is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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