i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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