ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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