I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
