ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
