Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
