I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
