woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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