I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was confusing and full of hummus
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
