I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
