Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
