dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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