i think i have two assholes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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