did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
