We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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