If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
