Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
