Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
