There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So vagazzling was a success
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
