and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
