I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
