Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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