I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
