the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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