is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
