My first STD was from a foam party
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
