I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize