Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
