this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
