I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
