to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
