i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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