his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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