no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My life is pants optional.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
